still plodding along.

This organizing thing is SO much harder than I expected. I can't even put into words how much harder. Every time I think the end is in sight, I realize just how much more I have to do. And I'm tired. Soooo....tired.  There are still boxes stacked around the front room. But...its like....5 boxes. 5 boxes left out of 2 storage units, one of which was a 5x10 storage unit stacked to the ceiling, which is probably another good 10 to 12 feet. Jeremy has hauled carloads to the Goodwill down the street and has carried boxes and boxes and bags to the dumpster. I have to keep reminding myself how much we have done. It still looks bad, real bad. But when I look back on what has been done, its not so bad.

This portion has almost been an interlude of sorts from KonMari. Not even real KonMari. The only way to tackle it all was to get it from storage but there was so much stuff and so little space here that taking it category by category was just not doable and what I've had to do was take it box by box and get rid of the super obvious stuff, sort and repack specific things like camping gear. So once I finish up this last little bit of stuff from storage, then I have to actually continue the Kondo-ing process by category. And once thats done, then I have to get down to the actual organizing. The organizing is what I was looking forward to, not the discarding.

I don't have much to show for pictures so I will leave you with this. Marie Kondo makes a number of suggestions, most of which sound asinine when you first read the book, but I just have to say...try it. Just try it. You can go back to your old way if you don't like it. She says to take your things out of the shower. All of it. All the bottles and razors and soaps and potions. SHE dries each bottle off and stores under her sink...thats a bit much for me at least right now. I did find that I liked having everything out of the shower though. First I loaded everything up into one basket and stored it on the shelf behind the door and i would just carry the basket over for a shower or bath. But it was heavy and awkward and before long the basket just sat on the side of the tub. So I pulled this shelf out of the coat closet and put in there and grabbed these little plastic baskets from Wal Mart ($2.97 each!) and Jeremy, Lucy and I each have one. So whomever is in the bath can pull their basket out, shower, then put it back. Much easier!

Oh, and we decided that we don't think Marie Kondo poops or farts or anything. I watched an interview with her this morning. I'm convinced. However, she just had a baby. I'm interested to see what sort of monster motherhood turns her into. <evil laugh>

violins and other strings

I'm cutting the strings. The violin strings, that is. One would assume that in the last week, I've managed to conquer this pile, right? Well...sort of.

I've gone in spurts. Friday, I realized it just wasn't happening by myself, it was too overwhelming. So I told Jeremy I was gonna need some help. His solution was to go buy a couple of rubbermaid tubs and take what I had sorted into categories and figure out what would fit into the tubs. Now, this isn't really strict KonMari, but it was stuff like camping, sports, tools. So it worked out ok, figuring out which items in each category would fit into the tub, and we would've needed to store those items like that anyway. At a later date, I can pull each one out and see if I want to minimize further.

Except the tubs are still sitting in my living room. We have weird limbo in the little storage closet upstairs, with Elizabeth moving out in a few weeks, Clayton needing some of his stuff picked up by the Air Force next month. There is already the Christmas stuff and a few other random things up there that need to be brought down and gone through but that I just can't handle right now.

The biggest problem with all of this is while these piles sit, the rest of the house goes to pot too. The kitchen doesn't get cleaned, I haven't folded clothes. I just feel numb. All of this is further proof that my big issue is all of the stuff. All of the clutter. Without the clutter, I cleaned, enjoyed our space, felt better.

But still I've been practicing avoidance. I just stay in the other room because I can't deal with it. Every day I get up and try and between the mess and the toddler...within the hour I will be back in the bedroom, hiding. Today I walked in and sat down to think, how do I get past this block. I have these piles of stuff and ultimately, the holdup is that I'm still holding onto things that I don't "need". This is all addressed in the book, of course. Basically, our clutter and mess is the result of other factors, either deeper issues present or that the clutter is causing the deeper issue. Some of the stuff, I just couldn't make a decision on. It didn't fit with the inspiration in my head of how I want my space to look, but I couldn't let go of it either, hadn't even thought about letting go. Certain things, I felt from the beginning, I would keep and find a place for. This sounds good in theory, keep what we love and what sparks joy.

The problem is, I keep finding more and more things like that that I think I need to keep. Seems like common sense to keep.

Like violins. I have always adored string music. I have always wanted to learn to play. I was not given the opportunity as a child to learn things like that. We didn't do extracurricular activities. Partly because of the cost and partly because it just wasn't looked at as a necessity for us. So, at 32 years old, I bought a violin and started lessons. And later I bought a 1/4 size violin for Gabe to learn with me.

Well...lets back up a little because 2 years before that, I bought a violin at a pawn shop. But you know how pawn shops are, I basically paid a lot of money for a violin that needed work and wasn't even the right size for me. I had no idea what I was buying and nobody there did either, they just put a large price tag on the instrument and I bought the one I could afford.

When I started lessons, I toted my pawn shop violin into the class, where the instructor promptly informed me that it was the wrong size, was missing a part and needed new strings. I ended up purchasing the new violin.

So I had THREE violins. After paying a fortune for the one that couldn't even be played, I didn't know what to do with it at all.

Last week, the same day I put the old violin in the growing "I Don't Know" pile, within the hour, a woman posted on our local for sale page wanting a non functional violin for free or cheap so that she could turn it into a decoration for her grandchild's room. She found herself the proud owner of that violin and I can't think of a better use for it.

But now we still have the two violins. And don't get me wrong, I wasn't losing sleep over the violins, they weren't even on my radar. Every time I looked at them, I wondered where I was going to store them. It was a given that they were staying.

But still...frozen. This crap isn't going anywhere and Lucy has been cranky with the mess and I've been cranky.

So here we are, today, sitting on the couch, looking at the piles, wondering what to tackle first.  I glance at the pile that has the violins. Recently I've read some stories on my various KonMari forums about letting go of items and trusting that the universe/God would provide that item when it is needed. Well, the whole reason for holding onto the violins was that eventually I want to start taking lessons again. But, I also have daily life, nursing school to try to finish, and a lot of other stuff, before I ever get back to violin lessons. Its just not a priority right now. The thought enters my mind like a shadow...or ghost...not really a conscious thought, just sort of there....what if you just gave the violins to someone who needs them. What if someone can't afford a violin but wants to learn and can learn right now? Instruments are expensive, maybe a parent can afford the lessons, but putting out the money for the instrument is just too much?

Long story short(er), I contacted a friend who gives lessons to ask if she could take them and keep them for when she has a student who needs an instrument and she told me that a mutual friend of ours was in need of at least one! I contacted the friend and found out she can use both, the music stand, tuner, books and everything else! Something from deep within my soul was pushing me to let go of these, because they were needed somewhere else.

The best part? Even though it was hard to decide to let go, I feel so much freer now! I feel like I can get started again and get this done. I had no idea those violins were tying me down like they were. Whew!

I've found myself def holding onto things that I shouldn't be, a lot of "Justin Case" stuff that we don't really need. I'm hoping to move forward with this spirit of letting things go, even if they are things I care about.  The truth is, when I need it, I will have it. I always have. I always will.